Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
