Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
