The maid of honor just puked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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