Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
