I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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