she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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