there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
