Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
