kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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