Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
