best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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