Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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