I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
