It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
