So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
