clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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