My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
