He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
