the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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