I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
