I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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