So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
