theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
