Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
