He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
