Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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