elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
