hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
