so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
