so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize