why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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