Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
