I want to make a zoo with you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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