dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
