pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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