I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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