twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
