I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize