my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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