I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
