We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
