Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
