i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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