Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
that is very illegal...i love you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
