there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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