Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
