I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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