Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
