You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
