I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize