so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
