Where did you get a picture of my penis
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
