Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
