I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i will never coherently bang her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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