just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
