I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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