You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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