I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
