The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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