Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
