1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what day is it and did you see me today?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
