every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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