I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
