Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
