life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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