Ketchup is God's man juice
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
