He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
