why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if only i could text you this smell
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just gift wrapped bread.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
is it fun? or sober?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
