yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MIDGETS
????
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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