pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
