this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You have to summon your inner elephant
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
