it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
