we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
