He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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