You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
