I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
