My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
