Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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