fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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